15.09.09

Over the week end I went to Claire’s house party it was really awesome it was nice seeing everyone again and it felt weird at first, it was like I was in a dream and these were all faces from my past which is silly because Uni only ended a couple of months ago, maybe I’ve been training myself to get over Uni life to save my feelings. I’ve been ordering many-a-purchai off amazon. Quite the French theme, I had such a boring day at work. I was at the Darlington store, it was freezing, it was weird being away from the Middlesbrough store. Darlington is a weird place full of odd people that I just don’t connect with. Not that I connect with people in Stockton or Boro. Teesside is a weird place to live I can’t put my finger on what it is. Should I try and embrace my Teesside roots? I’ve always been so determined to escape this place. I was flirting with a college student today, oh God I have sunk to new lows. He caught me scoffing a chocolate (when I’m bored I eat its doesn’t help that my boring work environment is in a chocolate shop) he was like *cheeky smile* perks of the job eh? And I offered him a sample chocolate, claiming it isn’t stealing because they are free. We nattered on a bit, and embraced in a flirty conversational exchange. When he left, I turned around and noticed the mirror, looking atmy reflection I remembered how old I am – 22 – practically a dinosaur. I think I will be forever 18/19 in my head and I can’t believe I’ve reached this age and survived to tell the tale. Back to Teesside and embracing of the roots, I bet there are plenty of really amazing like-minded Teesside folk I have yet to find them. There were none in school, except Bianca, but I think that because we have spent so much time together through adolescence – the most important age of growing up, we have formed this Siamese Twin-like bond whereby our interests and taste has formed to be the same.
I’m going to London in December, very excited for this! I’ve been trying to make a plan of what I intend to do in my two day short stay. Obviously I will get up very early each morning, there is a Turner and the Master’s exhibition at the Tate Britain I must go to that it would be amazing to see Rembrandt and Turner paintings in the flesh (can you say in the flesh about a painting?), and at the Tate modern a pop art exhibition called ‘Life in the material; world’ so my plan is, zoom around these two main galleries in the morning my plan for the afternoon is to find some awesome vintage and charity shops, I have yet to plan something for the evening, im thinking just strolling around and see all the pretty Christmas lights lit up as I will have spent all my money buying pretty clothes. I saw some pretty snazzy clothing items in Darlo’s charity shops today, a couple of knitted jumpers which look lovely & snug perfect for wintery time, and a belt, Im desperately in need of a suitable belt I was in Pets in need of Vets, the best name for a charity shop? And there was this nice old lady having a full blown conversation with herself, she kept verbally disagreeing with herself, I felt part bad, part amused it was like she did have two personalities. Bless her. I’ve never seen anything as bizarre I don’t think in person, I even feel bad just mentioning it. I’m not being horrible I found it’s just not something you see every day and it made me feel sad actually. I wonder what I’m going to be like when I’m old. I hope I stay relatively healthy, happy and sane …god I don’t even want to think about it. I’m terrified. I’m glad I have kept diaries to remind myself of what has happened. It is Bianca’s birthday this month, Ive been shopping on Amazon for her present, Ive decided to make it a Parisian theme, I have got her an Edith Piaf album of her greatest hits, a DVD called Chansons d’amour which has Louis Garrell in it and she absolutely loves him and I will probably wrap it in Eiffel tower paper and stick a vintage looking tag on it, I think it will be an amazing present. I also bought myself a film called ‘Dans Paris’ which also has Louis Garrell in it but it does look like a really good film, I especially enjoyed these quotes which I read about on the IMDB when I was researching excellent films….


Paul: I think we grossly underestimate our sorrows, in general. We always die of sadness, actually.
Alice: You mean sadness is put inside us at birth?
Paul: Yes.
Alice: Like eye color?
Alice: Exactly. That's why it needs our care, but others can do nothing. No one can do anything about eye color. Also, I think it would be fair to let you take care of your sorrow alone


Paul: I don't know what's happening. I don't trust myself when I'm in love. I get nervous and say the wrong things or I start examining, evaluating, calculating what I say. I say "Think it will rain?" She responds, "I don't know." Then I wonder if she's even interested. It all scares me to death. Yes, scared to death. A friend once told me having a fuck buddy is better than falling in love. I think he's right. Rain makes flowers grow and snails happy. That's a fact. But if a girl loves me she starts acting strangely, like asking me funny questions and pouting when I snap at her or saying things like "Think it will rain?" and I say "I have no idea" and she says "Oh" and gets all sad looking up at the California-blue sky. That makes me thank god it's you, darling. This time it's your turn